Feb '09, Scrappleface: EPA Proposes Odd-Even Carbon Dioxide Emission Rationing

Under the new EPA Odd-Even Carbon Dioxide Rationing System (OECDRS) proposed by the Obama administration, citizens with Social Security numbers ending in odd numerals would be permitted to emit carbon dioxide on odd-numbered days, and the rest on even numbered days. Illegal aliens would follow the same rules using the numerals on their counterfeit Social Security cards.

"If we can get each citizen and virtual citizen to exhale, drive cars, and use electricity, heat, and food only every other day, the impact on Mother Earth would be substantial, to say the least," said an unnamed EPA scientist.

"To the cynics who suggest this policy would result in people being cold, unemployed, hungry, light-headed, unconscious or dead, we remind you that 'the fierce urgency of now' trumps the petty politics of the past, and the collective good must supersede the selfish desires of any one person," she added.

The EPA source noted that the policy will also reduce overcrowding in American cities.